My Dad died
And I have no room
For anyone else’s heartache.

I wasn’t ready for it
He didn’t wait for me to be by his side
To say goodbye
To hug him
To kiss him one more time.

His big coffee warm lips
And smiling face
When I was a kid
Is all I want to remember.

He confused me
He had angered me
And frustrated,
Annoyed,
Made me cranky and inconsolable.

But we were mending
We were living
We were in each others’ lives
And it broke me to lose that
Lose those opportunities
Those times
That sharing of love.

I had so many things I hadn’t said
Wanted to say
Needed to say.

I don’t think I feel anything
When others tell me of their loss
Their grief does not flicker on my emotion radar
I can appreciate
I can understand
I can be with
And I can console
(maybe not effectively though).

(unfinished poem)

—–314per—-